Decisions, priorities and timing

My grandfather passed away last night. He hasn't been well for a little while with prostate cancer and had been progressively getting worse the past couple of months. On Thursday night he was admitted to hospital after a fall from his bed. He had been staying with his lady friend for the past little while and she wasn't able to move or lift him so she called the ambulance. My mother called to let me know that he was in hospital and I told her I would come up (he lived in Toowoomba which is about two hours west of where I live) on Monday to see him. My sister ended up calling me later that night to say she had been with him for a few hours and that I shouldn't wait until Monday to go and see him as he had actually had a heart attack. So I cancelled the plans I had for Friday and made the trip up to see him. It was hard. Because of the drugs he's been on for his pain he didn't know who I was at first :( . He was so out of it. The doctor came around while I was there and told us he was expecting Grandpa's heart to fail. He had spoken to my sister and Grandpa on the Thursday night and asked if he wanted intervention if something happened. Grandpa was adament that there was to be no intervention.

I was booked into scrap camp this weekend and I really had no idea if I should go or not. I did, and I'm glad I did as being around heaps of people who had no idea what was going on really helped me take my mind off what I was thinking about.

I had left my phone in the scrap room last night while I went and had a shower and as I turned the shower off I could hear it ringing. I had that niggling feeling that it was the call I didn't want to get. I got back downstairs and one of the girls told me it had been ringing more than once and when I saw the calls were from my sister and my mother I felt physically sick.

Needless to say I packed up and came straight home and cried. I know Grandpa was old. I know he'd had a good long, relatively healthy and happy life. It still doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye. I'm not sure when the funeral will be and I know this might sound selfish but I really hope I'm not asked to stand up and do a reading.

So, I'm just really really glad that I made the right decision to go up and see him on Friday.

This photo was taken back in April. This was when he had started to fade and moved in with his lady friend. He was in good spirits when it was taken, and its now a photo I'll cherish forever.

RIP Grandpa. We will all miss you

xx